“Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.”—Kurt Vonnegut (via anditslove)
Don’t ever try to play that “I have it worse than you do” game with people. Don’t ever try to minimize someone else’s problems or invalidate their feelings just because you or someone else may have it worse. To imply that their problems “aren’t that bad” or their feelings are “irrational” is very insulting and unnecessarily rude. That’s an insensitive, inconsiderate and horrible thing to do to someone. Don’t be that jackass.
I feel like every man who has ever tried to convince me to take some rando shouting “Hey girl, nice ass” at me as a compliment sees it this way: You’re sitting outside some Italian café in a Betty Draper dress sipping a prosecco when all of a sudden your dainty neck scarf flies off in the light breeze. Joseph Gordon Levitt, wearing a linen suit with a pocket square and no socks with his penny loafers, steps off his Vespa and hands it to you while saying something witty about how it’s almost as beautiful as you are. You then both ride off into the sunset, laughing as Dean Martin plays in the background and the director yells cut on the espresso commercial that is your life.
In reality, it’s you getting yelled at by a bunch of sweaty men standing outside a bar at eight in the morning, telling you about how fuckable you look in your sweatpants when you’re just trying to get a bottle of milk in peace like a goddamn human being. And it is the opposite of a compliment.
And sorry, even if you’re JGL, shouting “nice tits!” at me, wolf whistling, or driving up next to me and beeping your horn will never be flattering. It’s creepy and degrading and makes me fear for my safety.
“Don’t be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don’t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying yes begins things. Saying yes is how things grow. Saying yes leads to knowledge. “Yes” is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes.”— Stephen Colbert, via Dave (via heather-rivers)
“Hurt people hurt people. That’s how pain patterns gets passed on, generation after generation after generation. Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion, cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles. Forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future.”—Yehuda Berg (via onlinecounsellingcollege)
“Picture yourself when you were five. In fact, dig out a photo of little you at that time and tape it to your mirror. How would you treat her, love her, feed her? How would you nurture her if you were the mother of little you? I bet you would protect her fiercely while giving her space to spread her itty-bitty wings. She’d get naps, healthy food, imagination time, and adventures into the wild. If playground bullies hurt her feelings, you’d hug her tears away and give her perspective. When tantrums or meltdowns turned her into a poltergeist, you’d demand a loving time-out in the naughty chair. From this day forward I want you to extend that same compassion to your adult self.”—Kris Carr (via weaverofstars)
It turns out procrastination is not typically a function of laziness, apathy or work ethic as it is often regarded to be. It’s a neurotic self-defense behavior that develops to protect a person’s sense of self-worth.
You see, procrastinators tend to be people who have, for whatever reason, developed to perceive an unusually strong association between their performance and their value as a person. This makes failure or criticism disproportionately painful, which leads naturally to hesitancy when it comes to the prospect of doing anything that reflects their ability — which is pretty much everything.
But in real life, you can’t avoid doing things. We have to earn a living, do our taxes, have difficult conversations sometimes. Human life requires confronting uncertainty and risk, so pressure mounts. Procrastination gives a person a temporary hit of relief from this pressure of “having to do” things, which is a self-rewarding behavior. So it continues and becomes the normal way to respond to these pressures.
Particularly prone to serious procrastination problems are children who grew up with unusually high expectations placed on them. Their older siblings may have been high achievers, leaving big shoes to fill, or their parents may have had neurotic and inhuman expectations of their own, or else they exhibited exceptional talents early on, and thereafter “average” performances were met with concern and suspicion from parents and teachers.
1. Go to bed early. Some days are just bad days – and there’s nothing you can do to change circumstances and turn the day around. Remind yourself that there are better days as well, and tomorrow is a new day and a chance to start again.
2. Do something you enjoy. You may not be able to control what happens to you, but you can takes steps to improve the way you feel. When you’re having a bad day you need to make that extra effort to treat yourself well, and try and bolster yourself up.
3. Make a list of things you need to do. Planning what you’ll do to try and make things a bit better can give you a strong sense of being in control again. It may not sound like fun, but it can change the way you feel - so you’re less at the mercy of events, or other people.
4. Talk to someone who cares about your feelings. It often makes a difference to unburden on a friend. At least you’ll feel supported, and less stressed and overwhelmed.
5. Distract yourself. Try doing something that will take your mind off things. Often doing something practical can bring a sense of calm.
6. Try extra hard to be nice to other people. It will help to take your mind off your problems, and yourself. Plus, we tend to get back what we give out to other people (such as kindness, understanding, concern and empathy).